Pfffft

RM and I had a tiff. I thought I was upset because his sister once again ruined our plan. I was wrong. I'm mad at him. He jsut proved that he is a selfish poopy head. Something he doesn't do very often but when he does it brings a reaction out in me that is born of 15 years (or more) of being put at the end of the line.

Now before you light me up, let me say that I know I should not make him pay for what someone else did. What I am trying to tell you is that this touches something so deep in my psyche that I don't think I will ever be able to not react this way. If that makes any sense.

RM was suppose to come to KC this weekend. He didn't because his sister is visiting his family in Tulsa. Now this in and of itself is not a problem. The problem arose because he did not include me in his change of plans. He just decided that he would come up next weekend.

Putting aside the fact that none of his family can't tell his sister no, this was so not her. It's kind of like blaming the other woman for your cheating spouse when the blame lays squarely on your significant other for not being able to keep it in his pants.

The way I explained it was that WE had plans. When his sister made her plans, HE changed OUR plans with out talking to me first. HE needs to start thinking in terms of US instead of ME and WE instead of I. And thus gaining the dubious honor of being Mr. Selfish Poopy Head.

This all stems back to when I was married (or insert any other relationship I have had) I was always expected to be there. I was the last thing he took care of at the end of the day. Meaning, if I needed my brakes done on my car and his friend needed the brakes done on his car, the friend would take priority over me. This went on for 5 years until I had enough of this and his other shenanigans. I never came first. Never. I spent ten years trying to get over what he had done to me. This instance was just the tip of the iceberg. Think Titanic.

Anyway, I said that I would not tolerate it in my next relationship and I won't. This is the last time it will happen. I can forgive allot and I have. This is a deal breaker. I am giving up my entire life for him. I am moving away from my family. I have given up a great job. All for him. I will not be dismissed like I have no feelings or opinions in the matter.

Yes, I know RM reads this blog. No I am not airing dirty laundry. Well... maybe I am but I don't do it often. Is it fair that the interwebs now knows about this? Probably not. But I needed somewhere to put it and this is my blog and this is where I put stuff when it is eating at me.

One last thought...

... if he had said "Honey, I know we had planned for me to come to KC the weekend of the 7th but LW is coming to Tulsa that weekend and I would really like to spend some time with her, would you mind if I came up the next weekend instead?"

I would have said OK and none of this would have happened and I would not have hurt feelers now. That is what you get when you think in terms of I instead of WE when you are in a relationship.

Prayer request

For a friend's 24 YO son who is in the ER due to a brain aneurysm. Please pray for his family and friends that God's grace will carry them through this time.

I will keep you posted on his condition as I hear updates. The outlook is not good.

Thank you in advance for your prayers.

Update: It is now a waiting game. The son is hanging in, they have relieved the pressure in the brain not sure of the next steps.

Update 2: The son is now in the neuro ICU and is doing ok for now.

11/3 Update: My friend's son made it through the night where they continued to drain as much as they could from his brain. He went in for surgery this morning to cauterize the vessel. He will remain in a drug induced coma for several days and then they will assess the damage or hopefully, lack there of.

Thank you all again for your prayers and thoughts for my friends family.

Top Chef

If you haven't seen the latest, do not read, contains spoilers!



You have been warned!









Two comments...

Although I am glad that Mike I and his cocky attitude are gone, I cannot believe that Robin is still there! What kind of lucky star does that woman live under?

I heart Kevin! I would love for him to cook me a steak.

Day three

I have a confession. I started Nutri-systems on Tuesday. I got the package while I was in Tulsa on Friday so I did not have it in my possession until late Sunday night so there was no way I was going to start it on Monday. I was weary of starting it on a Tuesday because typically Tuesdays are just bad days...at least in my family. I didn't say anything because I was terrified that it wouldn't work. It seems I was wrong.

Anyway, I started three days ago. Most of the food I have eaten I have liked. It helps that I am not a picky eater. I say most because the 'snack' I had on Wednesday tasted like feet smell. Molly liked it but she's a dog. I really like the soy chips. Because I am on the Diabetic plan, I get none of the ice cream or chocolate. It's okay.

Truthfully I am eating more than I was eating before. When I diagrammed the first week (something I did, not required by the diet) I was like "How am I going to eat all this?" I have struggled with eating all of the food. AND AND it's PMS week. Which is important because typically this is the week where I eat myself out of house and home. I'm not saying I haven't had fantasies of $5 foot longs and burgers but it's only day three. I have been able not to cheat.

I put on a pair of pants today that were always a little tight (read I shouldn't have been wearing them but I refuse to buy a bigger size) and today they are snug and not uncomfortable. I really need to buy a new pair, however I refuse to spend $30 on a pair of pants that won't fit in 3 weeks.

The water I am required to drink is not a problem, I drink that anyway. Usually flavored with pink lemonade Crystal Light but that is allowed. I also have cut my caffeine back to 24 oz. in the morning.

I get on the scale next Tuesday. The real test will be this weekend. It's easy to diet when I'm at work and my days are structured. But the nights are my hardest part. That is when I did all my snacking. So far, I have been full. It helps that I really like veggies. I get three servings of veggies with dinner and I eat every bit. I get two with lunch. There is a lot of variety and things I can change up if I get bored.

Know that I did this all without the starter kit. Apparently that was lost while my box was being shipped around the country. My new kit should arrive today. Imagine what I can do with the instructions.

Yes, it costs a lot. But I can't afford to stay the way I am and I can't afford bariatric surgery. Surgery never made sense to me because if I can't diet before, then just because my stomach is smaller doesn't change my habits. Keep your fingers crossed because I really want this to work. And it doesn't hurt that the wedding is 10 months away!

Have you ever had a friend...

who, no matter when you called or what you called about, has nothing happy to say and cried every stinking time you talk to her? (This is not any of my friends who read this blog).

I love her dearly and she has been a friend for a while but some of the things she gets upset about, a good dose of counseling or self reflection would solve? Yet, she will not allow me to offer assistance and when I do, she says that I am a know it all and she really hates it. She says I have a "been there done that attitude" about a lot of things (of course I am about 25 years older than she is).

So when I call I end up sitting silently and just listen not knowing what to say. I know that is a big help but at the same time well I am not sure.

It has gotten to the point lately that I don't want to talk to her. I prefer to e-mail her or phone her when I know that I won't have to talk to her. It's just easier. I don't have to deal with the tears, her self-doubt and her "I hate myself" attitude.

I guess the problem is that she won't do anything to help herself. I hear her say the same things over and over and frankly, its getting old. She is starting to suck the life straight out of the friendship. It doesn't help that she is not in a place that is readily available for person to person contact. When I do get to see her she is so much easier to talk too. She still cries but its easier to get her to change the subject.

I just don't know what to do with her?

Overwhelmed

Its only the second day of my vacation and I am overwhelmed by all the packing. I'm trying to give my couch away and no one will take it. It's free and these people are picky!

I'll get it done. I always do.

One the flip side. We close on the house on Friday. I'm sooo excited!

And then I look around and wonder where all this crap came from and I'm right back where I started.

Uh-oh

I left my ring at home this morning.

I almost cried when I realized it.

I don't wear it to bed as I have gashed my arm a couple of times with it and I don't wear it in the shower. So I forgot to put it back on this morning. I was thrown off my routine by changing shirts.

I am going to start Nuti-systems today. Which means, I am going to order the food today and start the diet when it arrives. This is a last effort before....what I don't know but I've got to get this weight off.

My mom said that she wanted it as much if not more than I do.

We will see. I am going to give it everything I have. I am already walking about a mile a day depending on the weather. So the exercise is in place although I am told that it is more about the time spent exercising than the amount (?). I'll see when the directions get here.

I know that it is expensive but I can't afford not get the weight off.

Guess who's coming to dinner

I only wish it was Sydney Poitier although this person was born in 1967 (that is the year the movie came out incase anyone missed the connection). And she is not coming to dinner but the closing of the house. Well, she isn't coming to the closing but she has talked about coming to town that weekend. Yes sports fans that would be the SIL to be.

Aye Aye Aye

This should not be this hard.

I have been doing some research on the passive aggressive personality. After which,I think I am better equipped to deal with her. I will try my damnedest not to stoop to her level. The articles I have read, here, here and here explained that everything is a competition (check), that they are over the top (check), they play the victim (check) and that they can turn it against you when you get frustrated as nothing is ever their fault (check and check).

So, my solution is to continue to set boundaries, let her know when she is broaching a subject that is not something I wish to discuss and not to stoop to her mentality because in her mind, it will be a 'win'. This is not a competition. A lot of the information she is looking for is none of her business. I have also reserved the right with RM to call her on the carpet if I need to.

So bring it on. (It just occurred to me that I am treating this like a competition. Eh, pot meet kettle)

It will also give me a chance to take her daughter aside and ask her personally to participate in the wedding. The only way I can think of to include her in the wedding is have her be a Jr. bride's maid. I am not planning on having a flower girl or a big wedding. I have also contacted my niece to set aside some time with her so that I can ask her to be my matron of honor. I'm so excited.

And that is the extent of my wedding plans until after the big move.

Ah there is a whole other animal. I am on vacation next week and will get that majority of my stuff (that always makes me think of George Carlin and his bit about stuff) packed away. This Saturday, I am taking a range and the couch from hell to the DAV. That will leave me with my chair (that matched the couch) to sit in. Which is okay because the chair is infinitely more comfortable to sit in.

So even though I am on vacation, I have a full week ahead of me. Hopefully, I won't get lost in the boxes!

Things are coming along nicely

RM went to the estate sale being held in our new house.

So far we have purchased:
A dining table with 8 chairs (enough for his family and my family if you don't count the kids)
An additional curio cabinet (mine is full to the brim)
A set of steak knives and
two dressers

All excellent quality

And I haven't seen a thing

Now that is trust

I knew between the two of us we did not have enough furniture to fill this house. We made some nice additions. I guess I qualify as an adult now. I am no longer decorating in early american garage sale/dorm room.